Earthsea: An Archipelago Of Magic

My Style Personality--Discoveries!
This sounds like some kind of quiz, doesn`t it? Well, recently I did these quizzes:



And arrived at the answer I knew all along--that my style is Creative. I`m sure you all knew that since I`ve always loved to wear the loudest and most awful of prints and stripes, to the point my mom will not greet me in the street if she sees me, haha.

Something I didn`t know is that there are sub-categories to Creative too. One of them is Boho. You know, I used to think I might be boho until I realised that I didn`t identify with Kate Hudson, Nicole Richie, or those celebs who did the Boho style. You know the long maxi skirt, slouchy tee, paisley etc. I have a few boho items, but it is not really my style. Another sub-category is Goth-Creative. Basically if you like McQueen, this is you. This is not me, because I don`t really like black, and have zero skulls in my wardrobe.

What is my sub-category? I think it`s random and cheerful. Think Katy Perry. I actually identify with the stuff she wears. Not the stage costumes, mind you, but her everyday stuff. I`ve also noticed that I really like the dress styles of Sophie Ellis Baxton and Keira Knightley.

But it`s also interesting, looking at the styles that I also have a strong dose of the Feminine. I love floral prints, I love pinks, and I love soft billowy chiffons and silks. I thought that I also had some dramatic, but apparently this is not the case. I don`t actually like high contrast. In my wardrobe I have very few black & white pieces, no bright jeans either, nor bright colored bags (with bags I like either crazy prints or browns & blacks).

The style I am probably the least is classic. Oh my God, that is why I always think of myself as a fashion disaster. Hahah. I`ve tried to follow the classic style before. You know, all the stuff about a crisp white shirt, capri pants and ballerina shoes. I look like crap in that combo, or when I try to go all classic--even if it looks good, I`m bored stiff.

Ayumi's Divorce
Didn't realise until today that Ayumi Hamasaki has divorced her husband. Oh well, I wanted her to be happy but it was never something that would last. Many saw it as an impulse move she wanted to make. I think that's something to do with it. At 32, you ask yourself what you want, you feel like doing what you want to get it even if there are consequences.

Why do I care about Ayu? I don't really listen to Japanese pop anymore, but I've always identified with Ayu. She always struck me as someone very sensitive who hid her true self under one incredible costume after another, but allowed her true self to show through her lyrics. I've cried listening to some of her songs, and she's cried singing them. There is no need to explain their power. As a sensitive person, she is also very cogniscent of her responsibility, even as she rebels against it.  Her secret marriage in Vegas, in part, was a rebellion.

How does someone like her, once the supreme queen of pop, evolve as she aged? That is something that always interested me. Is my interest because she is only a year older than me? Her evolution, in a way, reflects on mine? Looking at her career, I see it flagging. She is still reinventing herself, but I see her trying to retain youth and sex appeal and that to me, isn't going to work. What do I want her to do? I think she should reinvent herself as something other than a pop star. A philanthropist. A music mentor. A mother.

Yet transiting to something new is arduous and difficult. Her marriage was an attempt to do that, I believe. She might have seen this European man as someone outside of Japan who could break through the aura of intimidation she exuded. But I don't think she really knew who he was, nor him her. He represented her dream to romatically elope, retire and become semi-anonymous. When she said that she planned to live in the States with him, I believe that was true. Was it the earthquake that changed her mind? I don't know. Maybe some part of it, maybe she realised that she was too Japanese to leave. Or was too much of a workaholic. Ultimately, those differences were too great.

Love, for someone, like her, always surrounded by entourage, always alone, accustomed to rewarding herself as a diva as a trade-in for the liberties she doesn't have, is complicated. I think Ayu will marry again, but not until she retires or scales down. I do see her career fading, so it may not be that far from now (I do not see this as a bad thing. Staying popular forever is great for the pocket but not the heart.). Maybe late 30s or 40s, she will meet someone kind, mature and private. By then, she'll be able to live with that person and be happy.

Reading for July

A single event can awaken within us a stranger,
totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.

Antoine de Saint Exupery 

July emphasizes organization, work, responsibility, restriction, healing and your sense of identity. You are sensing, more realistically, just how great or small your responsibilities are. A heightened sense of duty is inescapable, but there is no need to become overwhelmed by what you believe is expected of you, or by the many details involved.  

Don’t make problems for yourself. Something remarkable is happening here which may appear to be a mere coincidence. But there are no coincidences in life. This is a chance to bring order and ease back into your life, and to broaden your network of friends, associates, contacts, and knowledge.  

Your “family” is expanding or, at least, the love within a particular group now has a chance to heal and grow. Allow the act of forgiveness to work its healing magic. The more you resist coming to terms with past events, the more stress you will have to carry around, and the closer you will be drawn to extremes - which cannot possibly help matters.  

Pretending you are calm is a form of denial. Look realistically at what you are dealing with and you will realize that calmness is not appropriate for all situations - and that passion can come from both love and hate.  

Be practical. Get organized. You have something valuable to offer. Others are recognizing your role of problem-solver and are looking to you for solutions. The answers lay somewhere under that deluge of physical and emotional clutter. Attend to all the details that arise, as well as those that have been neglected, no matter how boring or time-consuming they seem.  

If you feel boxed-in or powerless to help yourself or someone else, know that wishing the problem would go away, or denying it exists is counterproductive. This is a chance to transform a problem into a major breakthrough which will improve the entire structure of your life. One positive action will lead to another.  

Be open-minded, flexible and willing to consider alternatives. Stop struggling or panicking, and exert determination and effort instead. You are stronger than you think, but you may need to ask yourself whether you have imprisoned yourself in a responsibility that is not entirely yours, or in a way of life that does not truly suit you. Well, whatever your current restriction happens to be, it is time to break out of that jail. Either physically remove yourself from the problem, or expand your levels of tolerance until the change you want to make becomes possible.  

You have much to gain from all that is going on here, including a new understanding of your identity and the image you portray to the world. This is one of the most hospitable cycles in which to begin or continue the process of becoming your authentic self. The real you, in all your different and complex forms, is trying to emerge. Hold on. Once you accept a certain responsibility for what it is - no more and no less - the worst will be over and you will start to see the positive potential at your disposal.

Me: I don't really understand, but it's interesting. I feel like I already am my authentic self....but if you ask me if I have finished evolving, I suppose not. What I would like to have more in me is something fierce. I think that would improve me :)

A Poem, Rewritten
Happy Valentine's Day, folks. I like how outside of my usual circles, the significance of the day has faded for me. It's just another day with no pressures. We watched "Les Choristes" in class today. What a beautiful film and soul-stirring music. The story made my heart hurt. I want the soundtrack now.

In class, we studied this poem today for its grammar, and our teacher assigned us to rewrite it.

Pour Toi Mon Amour, Jacques Prévert

Je suis allé au marche aux oiseaux
Et j'ai acheté des oiseaux
Pour toi
mon amour
Je suis allé au marche aux fleurs
Et j'ai acheté des fleurs
Pour toi
mon amour
Je suis allé au marche á la ferraille
Et j'ai acheté des chaines
de lourdes chaines
Pour toi
mon amour
Et puis je suis allé au marche aux esclaves
Et je t'ai cherchée
Mais je ne t'ai pas trouvée
Mon amour

Here is my version:

Le bonheur à l'avenir

Je suis allé à l'école prestigieuse
et j'ai obtenu des bon résultats
"'Pour ton bonheur
à l'avenir"
Ils me disaient
Je suis allé
à la foire d'empoigne
Et j'ai gagn
é un bon salaire
"Pour ton bo
nheur à l'avenir"
Ils me disaient
Je suis allé au Canada
à l'immigration
et j'ai quitt
é mon travail et mes amis
"Pour mon bonheur
à l'avenir"
Je leur disais
Et puis je suis allé aux couloirs de mon rêverie
Et je l'ai cherché
Mais je ne l'ai pas vu
Le bonheur
à l'avenir

2012 Resolutions
I'm going to make them simple this year. Don't feel much like words at this point in time.

1. Make an effort.

2. Be grateful.

3. Be realistic.

Maybe it's a talk less, do more year.

Review of 2011 Resolutions
1) Take care of my health. Get check ups, eat healthily, exercise. I want to look and feel better than I did in my 20s.
Well, not really, although I did do the Zumba fitness classes. Guess it should be a resolution for this year too.

2) Achieve equilibirum in my way of life: restore circadian cycle, increase energy, feel peace, get flow going again.
Still a mission in progress. Circadian cycle restored thanks to French classes (aka by force). But I'm exhausted and definitely don't have equlibrium. It's something I need to work on.

3) Find paid work that I will enjoy. Don't overdo it because it kills your joy for life. See point 2.
Well, I do like the odd jobs I do but they don't pay that much and I'm not motivated enough. Hmmm.

4) Write. It doesn't matter what. But it must be your voice.
The universe sent me a writing buddy who has been really encouraging. But I could do more.

5) Live creatively/artistically. It can be as simple as hanging a nice picture on the wall. But do it.
Hurray, at last one resolution which I have achieved! Yes, I've done lots of DIY projects and love my home.

6) Be more open to change as an adventure. See the good in everything.
I think on the whole I do this. Sometimes I feel like my good attitude is my only asset of any worth :P But hey, you roll with the punches right?

(no subject)
I love this week's reading:

Slow down. Why do you feel it necessary to race ahead without a plan? You are in the delicate process of making life-changing decisions. From the moment we are born, we are set up in a foolish race that we are expected to run until the day we die - and we’re told that we are free! This cycle emphasizes how un-free we are. Accurate information and understanding are needed now. Read more: http://www.creativenumerology.com/index.php?inc=includes/weekly1.htm#ixzz1fM2HfMi7

It's true that we are always caught in a silly race, and even when you think you've gotten out, you're still in it, or at least your mind is. I thought this would be a year to feel free, but in actuality it has not felt free. It's been more of a journey, and a struggle to come to terms with what feeling free actually means. The reality that you can't feel free or liberated without your basic needs being met. And The realisation that mental healing takes a long time, especially that feeling of being unsafe and that ever-present stress that hums in an undertone like a radiator. I feel like this year has been about coming face to face with yourself in a frank way, and confronting what you don't like about yourself.

It's been a challenging, frequently unpleasant year but it's also been exciting, full of dramatic change (in a huge contrast to last year, things move rapidly, there is hardly any waiting), and there's been progress. It's been a better year than 2010 which was all about waiting and waiting, for good news and bad. But no one said change was easy. It's hard. Really hard. Sometimes I feel like the only thing going for me is my "good energy". I've had a few people say that to me in one form or another recently, so it seems to be something in my favour, maybe the only thing. But as I well know, that energy flags, and I just feel discouraged, down and demoralised. When I think about the future, I just see a big fog and feel a  Sometimes my positivity has a grimness to it. Guess it's the "c'est la vie" factor. I guess the french culture has soaked in a little as I've learnt to give (and love) the gallic shrug in response to shit happening.

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I feel better today
I feel better today although I'm still on the anxious, emo side of things. It is most likely amplified by PMS, so I am just going to take a chill pill, go out to do some research and stop feeling like the sky is going to fall down on top of me. It'll be fine. Nothing is so terrible in this world that can't be overcome.

The quote that says it all
How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” ~Eckhart Tolle


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